Online critique, June 29 newsletter stories

Best things:

Selby and Anastasia did great work on the interactive fireworks map. This is good training and shows the type of initiative we need to be showing this summer. Very user friendly and colorful—more, please!

Nice work by Narda on spelling Cheryel Carpenter’s name correctly in the parade story. That’s a tough one.

Sorayah turned out a solid photo from city council that features one of the Rangers’ owners. The composition is effective and really added to Nick’s council wrap-up story.

We’re getting better at ledes. Nick and John both turned out straightforward, clean first paragraphs that encapsulated their stories but also led the reader to more information in subsequent graphs:

“Arlington City Council passed the new Texas Rangers ballpark’s plans with a new predominantly female council Tuesday evening.”

“College Values Online recognized two UTA online graduate programs for their affordability and excellence.” 

Needs work:

We’re still working on wording. Part of the reason that I harp on word order is that it often gets in the way of explaining what we’re trying to tell people.

In the parade story, we wrote:The two-mile path will make it’s way through downtown Arlington with about 150 floats and performing groups.”

(First of all, it’s “its”) But also the path can’t make its way anywhere.

We need to say: “About 150 floats, bands and other entries will navigate the two-mile path through downtown.”

(We don’t have to say Arlington. We’ve already established that it’s the Arlington 4th of July parade.)

In the city council story, we wrote: “Williams said the council exemplifies Arlington’s inclusiveness and diversity and shows its recognition for the value of female citizens.”

How about just “recognizes” ?




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