Online stories, Nov. 28, Critique

Best things:

Destine turned a nice piece from the two road games from the Lady Mavs’ trip to the East Coast. Covering road games from home is never easy, but Destine did solid work combining the play-by-play from the two games into one story. She also used active verbs to describe the games: “powered,” “struggled,” “topped,” “maintained” “falter.” This makes the reader feel they are right there at the away games, which isn’t an easy feat.

Good work by Madelyn on including a map with her College Park Center vacancies story. This helps equate us with the area we’re talking about and shows where these potential restaurant spaces are located. It’s less confusing, too.

Needs improvement:

Although I like the interviews and the writing on Zachary’s fear story, I’m puzzled about why we wrote it. Is there a time peg? Is there a purpose? We need an “in” or an angle to which readers can relate. Can we peg it to finals?

The headline with the College Park Center story reads: “College Park District vacancies may see new business.” The vacancies can’t “see” new business. It needs to read something more like “College Park vacancies may lead to new business development.”

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