The lede on Nick’s Battle of the Bands story is very effective: “Local artists are helping revive a music competition and bringing it back to play Saturday.”
It’s simple and gets straight to the point without any extra words. Then it provides more detailed and specific information in the second paragraph. Good work.
Matt’s Alzheimer’s advance is an example of what an advance story should have: both specifics and perspective. He worked in great quotes and background and included UTA, North Texas and national sources. I’d like all of us to continue to strive toward including more national perspective whenever we can.
Great photos by Shay on the “La Fridal” story!
Why do we have two stories about Battle of the Bands? One is Nick’s advance, another, a story by Christian about one of the bands competing. First, we need better coordination between desks on this one. Second, why are we profiling only one band? It’s a fairness issue. There are several that are competing. Why are we choosing to write about just one?
The disability forum story doesn’t contain any direct quotes. They were talking about some emotional issues, including advocacy and fairness issues. Was there no one worth quoting?
Also, this story suffers in several places from problems with parallelism:
Before: Disability Issues Legislative Roundtable: “Raise Your Voice!” brought students and members of the community together Thursday to discuss advocacy and getting involved with legislation.
After: The Disability Issues Legislative Roundtable “Raise Your Voice!” brought students and community members together Thursday to discuss ways to advocate and to get involved with legislation.
Now we have “ways” which leads into “to advocate” and “to get involved,” which are both verbs. The “advocate” and the “involved” are both verbs and are bother in the same tense. They are a compound direct object so they both need to agree.
Let’s make sure we pay attention to how we line our words up. It doesn’t take long once you’re aware of it and it’s more accurate and cleaner.